I have been looking at positions on www.churchstaffing.com lately and the more I look at the job descriptions, the more they become just that. Job descriptions. There's nothing exciting or particularly appealing about them. They are just a list of activities a minister will busy himself with once he fulfills all of the requirements to get the position in the first place. There is one church in particular that I sent my resume to just to test the waters and see if I am qualified for anything. I received a reply saying they were interested and then sent me a questionnaire to fill out. I knew right from the beginning of this questionnaire that I didn't want anything to do with this job because it was apparent it was a very growth/results obsessed church. More of a business than a body. The questions focused on what types of things I've started from scratch from birth to present and what the results were. They wanted to know in the past how I’ve integrated singles and young adults into the church, what best describes my experience with building teams, my experience leading small groups, how well I recruit and manage small group leaders and of course they end with wanting me to give an example of how a ministry has grown under my leadership. I'm so tired of this crap. They didn't ask me one question about my relationship with God. It's the same thing with every description I've looked into.
It saddens me because none of this is what I got into the ministry for. I remember in Bible College I had a pure, possibly even naive heart about what ministry was.
I looked at how my youth pastor really made a difference in people's lives and how people were being transformed. Ministry was about growing people, not growing out of buildings. But I've realized that I could probably do more ministry if I were not doing "Ministry". I wanted to become a minister, not an administrator or manager but the more I look the more I realize that the modern churches definition of ministry are not anything like what I was taught in Bible College. I'm going to continue to ask God for some kind of revelation and I'm hoping that He will show me a way to really serve people and not just manage them. If what I have been looking at is all that is available out there I guess it is time for a career change. I can't sit around and sulk at the state of the church forever.
In fact the more I think and pray about it, I know I don't want to work at an institutional church. I don't want to work at a large church with its policies, marketing and showmanship where I spend my day in an office trying to figure out how to convince more people to come to our church. Sometimes thinking of these churches I can almost feel what it would be like to work there, a slimy salesman trying to convince people to invest in the idea of Jesus. I don't feel good or right about it. Whatever I do next, I know it will be a smaller unconventional community. I've realized that there are positions that I could easily fill in a "seeker" church of 2000 people and probably have all the glory and attention I want but I wouldn't like myself. It's just not who God created me to be and I'm realizing that more daily.
The thing I keep thinking of are my friends that are brilliant, honest, that love God and have so many gifts to offer the community of faith and the world but have nothing to do with church. And I think to myself, these churches that I am sending my resume to are churches that these people would never set foot in and then I realized that if these people don't want to have a part of this, than neither do I. I want to be a part of a community that my friends would feel comfortable contributing and being honest in.
So with that in mind, I am going to stop applying to churches I know that I would never fit in with, give churchstaffing.com the finger and start praying that God will give me an opportunity where I will feel whole, where I can keep my integrity and my soul instead of becoming the slimy, manipulative dirtball that I could see myself becoming in many churches. I don't like that feeling. I don't like myself when I feel like that. God please show me something that I can get excited about. Reveal to me a place where my friends could belong and contribute and be able to express their love for you and others. Show me something that I can pour my heart into without reservation and want to get out of bed in the morning for.
8 comments:
I think you're on to the start of something much bigger than you're curent dealings in life (whatever those current dealings may be). With your humble sounding heart, you'll do fine.
...and hey. If you & Kellie ever want to move to the ugly west TX desert and start something servant oriented and disciplish w/ poor people...well, I'm sure we could think of something.
i love you honey.
k
I could not agree with your thoughts much more. I am currently looking at seminaries because i sincerely desire the knowledge, but am also scared beyond words because it normally means you go on to work in a church, which i detest for the reasons you just listed.
i make the same daily prayer about finding this vocation that isn't about politics, people management or selling jesus to fill seats. if you get the answer first, please let me know.
doug, if you want an education in christian thought and theology, go to a mainline university like duke, u.v.a., boston university or, perhaps, mars hill seminary. if you want a pastor's union card, feel free to fill a seat at any number of our fine evangelical institutions.
dustin -
thanks for the words man. as a young, perhaps future church leader i feel the same way. some days i wonder if even jesus, paul, or peter could get a job in today's church. after all, jesus, who was God, couldn't grow a megachurch, but i guess he only had 3 years of ministry to do it.
i'm on staff at indiana university's campus ministry and it's nothing like what you're describing. i think you should look into it. if you want some leads i can help you out a little bit. i can't speak for all campus ministries, but indiana univ. is definitely a far cry from the standard church setting and expectation.
Dustin- I feel your pain, if fact I was in a staff meeting and I poured my heart out saying that the staff was too busy. We needed to help the poor and that our job is set up like that.
The elder that was there is famous for saying "the church is like a buisness" and he talked about being organized and productioin to bring people in.
Then it was teaching time, as a leader no matter who it is I must lead. I talked about Jesus, Paul, and how much more important helping people is.
People don't understand ministry that is why they hire staff. It is our duty to get them back on track. If that means taking on a shallow congragation than so be it.
I think your thoughts are right on... being in full-time student ministry, I ask and confront myself to those same thoughts/questions on a very daily (yet internal) basis. In fact, if anyone knew how much time and thought I put into to exploring all the ways church can be done outside of full-time ministry, they would all be in shock.
One thought that always comes to mind is a quote from a very genuine and very passionate person who helped transform numerous teenagers into disciples. Mike Yaconelli... before he passed away, he was leading a group of people and called it, "church for those who don't like church."
Anyways, the quote he gave that I always remember is: "A youth minister who is truly passionate about his/her Lord and about his/her ministry, should have at least one (if not more) instances in their life when they have been fired from a church."
I think that quote brings so much peace to me because he's addressing the sincere and naivete I had upon entering the ministry. It helps me realize that in the Kingdom of God, our human values and desires are so often off-track from God's. To be a part of what He is doing, no matter the cost or in any situation, gives me more pupose and direction than any church job description or "pressure" to "bring in the unchurched." It helps me continue on the endeavor of exploring and discovering all the different ways people can follow and worship Christ.
Oh yeah, I'm just now exploring the beginnings of blogging, thanks for the words Dustin, and tell your wife "Hey." Thanks sincerely...
d,
working in a church that is far from a megachurch in numbers but very much like one in approach and philosophy, i find myself ignoring almost all of what the elders and the senior minister have to say (because it is almost all business jargon and marketing) and try to focus on seeking God and loving the individuals who make up our congregation. that is all i can do to keep my sanity...that and vent ALOT to my wife. i can't fight battles with the babyboomers who are leading my church, i just don't have the energy. but i can strive to be the best pastor and Christ follower that i can be despite them. and i do try. with that all said, most of the time i'm miserable. man, i feel your pain...i'm with you 100%.
bill
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