Midwest Church Trades Pastor For First Round Pick

Pastor Jim Barnard wasn’t expecting this news at the midweek prayer breakfast. After praying for Margaret’s cat BooBoo, executive pastor Chip Raines made an announcement. Jim Barnard was being traded to Cleveland. He would be moving his family to fill his new role as the Life Architectural Developing Mechanic (senior pastor) at Cedar Hollow Life Pointe Community Church. Pastor Barnard was traded for a first round Seminary Graduate, 20,000 dollars for new communion ware and two junior high leaders to be named later.

When asked how Jim felt about going to CHLPCC he said, “This is bullcrap, I had big numbers this fall. You know how many people came to hear me! I wasn’t expecting to be traded this early in my career. I really feel like I have developed a lot in the last year and was an asset to this church. What did they get for me anyway?”

When he found out he was being traded for a first round pick and two junior high leaders he was outraged. “I know we need Junior High leaders but to trade me for a rookie is unacceptable. They’ll regret that when things get going next fall. Big mistake and I’ll prove them wrong.”

Denison Witmer @ Northsix, Brooklyn

Last night my friend Matt and I saw Denison Witmer play at Northsix. When we got there we noticed a sign that said, "Copeland will not be playing tonight." We were kind of bummed because we wanted to see them too so i checked online today to see what happened and it said this:

"Hey guys, crappy update for tonight. We're unfortunately going to have to pull out of tonight's show in Brooklyn. There was an incident after loading into the venue in which a member of our crew was attacked by someone inside the club. In consideration for our safety, we decided that we should not play tonight. We apologize to anyone who already bought tickets in anticipation of our appearance. We'll be back to Brooklyn soon. Sorry, guys."

Wow, how crazy!!!

Anyway, i was a little disappointed because Denison only got to play 7 songs. 7 lousy songs! I'm really depressed that I missed him with The River Bends when they were here. But 5 of the songs was off of his unreleased album "Are You A Dreamer" that comes out in July. There was one song about Francis of Assisi that was incredible and I really liked the title track as well. The only other two songs he played was Stations which makes sense because it's on every album and one song off of Safe Away that I really don't think is one of his best. I'm confused and hurt Denison. Please explain it to me.

Battle of Who Could Wear the Biggest Dumbest Glasses

I'm sorry ladies, but this new trend you have of wearing these entirely too big, square framed glasses is ridiculous. I saw a girl the other day who was this tiny petite blonde girl who had sunglasses on that covered up half of her face. I see these glasses all over and I can't figure out why. They make girls look ridiculous.

My question is and has been for some time. Why do girls have a tendency to try to look like Paris Hilton? Do women realize who they are modeling??? Why would you want to be anything like that??? I have so many questions. But the point it, knock the elephant glasses off and stop wearing stupid stuff to be trendy. Yes, the same can be said for guys and their Vans, large Magnum P.I. glasses and riding around on a California Cruiser. Trend Following can be really pathetic.

I haven't ranted for a while. This kind of feels good! It's so easy!

Prairie Spring

Evening and the flat land,
Rich and somber and always silent;
The miles of fresh-plowed soil,
Heavy and black, full of strength and harshness;
The growing wheat, the growing weeds,
The toiling horses, the tired men;
The long empty roads,
Sullen fires of sunset, fading,
The eternal, unresponsive sky.
Against all this, Youth,
Flaming like the wild roses,
Singing like the larks over the plowed fields,
Flashing like a star out of the twilight;
Youth with its unsupportable sweetness,
Its fierce necessity,
Its sharp desire,
Singing and singing,
Out of the lips of silence,
Out of the earthy dusk.

Willa Cather

I love this poem because it reminds me of the small farming community i grew up in.

Iron & Wine - Webster Hall

I have several thoughts about last night's show at Webster Hall.

First, let me address Webster Hall as a music venue.
1. It is hotter than hell.
2. The sound is not good for a music venue.
3. A beer is 7 dollars, yes, that's right, one bottle of beer.
4. On Friday nights, the show has to end by 10pm because there is an amateur strip contest.
5. It seems like half of the crowd at Webster Hall either hadn't been to a concert before or had no idea who Iron & Wine was. There were people talking and laughing and answering cell phones. I read someone talk about the crowd at Webster Hall but did not believe it until last night. What makes this crowd so much worse than Bowery Ballroom or Northsix???
6. Way overcrowded. I've been to some full shows before but they sell this thing way beyond it's limit.

Overall Rating of Webster Hall - Worst Music Venue in New York City, I will never attend a show there again.

I don't have time now to talk about the Iron & Wine performance but i will come back later. They were MUCH better than the venue!

More Apartment Fun

Today I came home and found that my bathroom ceiling had caved in again for the fourth time in 10 months. What are the chances of that. Quite ugly in my bathroom right now. The guy who runs this place is what you call a SLUMLORD. He doesn't fix anything, he just tries to patch it up to save money. I can't wait to get out of this place.

Orders from the Captain

5 Songs You Should Download Today:

1. Like Silver - Rocky Votolato

2. Cherry Lane - Ryan Adams

3. Eels - Railroad Man

4. The Dears - Lost In The Plot

5. Ben Folds - Late

Come on, go download and listen to them. Seriously, they're good. This is getting frustrating. why won't you just go? What's you're problem? Are you stupid? You just keep standing there like a big dummy. Let's move. Fine, forget it, you wouldn't like the songs anyway.


2 Beers You Should Try:

1. Young's Oatmeal Stout

2. Belhaven Scottish Ale


2 TV Shows You Should Check Out:

1. Hell's Kitchen (very dramatic and funny - Fox is really running out of ideas)

2. Family Guy (I've really gotten hooked lately)


1 Bar Video Game You Must Place:

1. Buck Hunter

I'm Addicted to Coke

No, not that coke. I'm talking about the sugary sweet brown substance that comes in plastic red bottles. Last night I was reminded of my out of control addiction as I stood pouring out a two-liter bottle that was more than half full into my sink. I could smell the soda and hear the fizz as my favorite beverage ran out to it's demise. It was almost as if it was screaming at me, "Why, Dustin Why?" I felt as if I were betraying a friend that has been there for me my entire life. It was there for me during long nights in college and right back in the morning before class. I almost cried as the last few drops of soda hit the metal and ran down the drain. I'm sorry Coke but I can't have you anymore. You have too many calories and your cousin Diet Coke sucks too bad to drink. I'll miss you.

A Cool Stream of Water

A few weeks ago while I was in L.A. i had the priveledge of staying at a hotel in Little Tokyo which had Bidet's in your room. I was a little scared at first to use it but I mustered up the courage and gave it a shot. What I experienced was quite what you would think, a cool stream of water hitting you in the butt. It was a little alarming and uncomfortable at first but oh the refreshment that it brought. I used it several other times during the week and after our time there I can't imagine why everyone in the country would not want one of these. They are brilliant! Not to be too graphic but there are times when wiping just isn't enough, you almost need a second shower. Well this takes care of the problem everytime and you leave feeling a little strange but very clean. If you have a chance give it a try, you will love it.