Graduating the MDiv program @ Western (Apr. 25th)
Three years and it's almost over. The time went fast (mostly) but I really enjoyed my experience. While I am a LONG way from knowing it all, my understanding of the complexities of life and theology has increased vastly. Looking back, I cannot imagine not spending the last three years in intense study. I feel like i've got a much stronger foundation now. How's that for a seminary promo?
I've heard people say in the past, "I didn't learn anything at Seminary" or "Seminary was a waste of time". I can now confirm that this says more about the person making that statement than it does about the value of seminary. Either that, or the seminary they went to simply sucked big time. I truly believe like most of anything else however, you get out of it what you put in.
Being a Father (starting on or around Oct. 29th)
So, does anyone know much about this fatherhood/parenting deal? Kelli is just starting her second trimester. We go again to see another ultrasound on Tuesday. It will be amazing to see the development that has happened in the past month! I've been mentally preparing for this for the last three and a half years of marriage. So there's not as much fear as there is simply excitement. I can't wait to be a dad.
The pregnancy this far has been very smooth. Kelli hasn't really experienced any morning sickness at all! Phew!
So, for those of you who are parents out there, let me ask you this:
what was the single most surprising thing about parenthood?
18 comments:
The singlemost surprising thing is the way it beats down my sense of entitlement. I'm not entitled to quiet time, I'm not entitled to sleep, I'm not entitled to finish a sentence... if I let go of my sense of entitlement, I provide a better ministry to my child(ren).
that call from your girlfriend...
When one of my children asked what masturbation is... Have fun!
congratulations on the pregnancy! i think that the most surprising thing about becoming a father is that there is surprisingly little downside to being a father. i seriously think that fatherhood has reintroduced me to wonder and made me a more positive person.
i hope my bitching about seminary in the past hasn't come off as cliched as you presented it in the post. i've made my piece with my subpar seminary experience, though i still think that evangelicals who have bible college under their belt would be better served investing their time in graduate studies at a school like BU, Harvard or Virginia, than by attending an evangelical seminary.
that being said, i'm grateful that you've had a great experience and have plugged into the mission of evergreen.
Well, Amalea hasn't asked about masturbation yet... but...
The single most surprising thing about parenthood? Well i like what debra said, about entitlement. Even though you know you won't have as much time for yourself, it's surprising how hard that is to get used to.
It's so hard, it's probably different for everyone, but one thing that surprised me was how easy it was for both Robin and I to attach ourselves to Amalea and start to ignore each other. All of the sudden you have this bundle of joy who demands your time, but also who you want to spend a lot of time with, and it can be easy to put all your time and attention into them and forget about your spouse. Especially when things get hard, and you're tired, and grumpy - it's easy to just turn to the little baby and find comfort in him/her without dealing with what is going on between you and your spouse. That was a surprising and it took awhile for us to even recognize that that was happening... but you learn to not do that and make sure you are finding time to communicate with each other and spend quality time with each other (that's where we come in! free baby-sitting!)
That's all I got. ^_^ I'm so happy for you bro! I think I would be a miserable, unemotional, trainwreck if it were not for the incomparable experience and joy of being a dad... it brings so much light into the world... so much laughter and smiles. There is nothing harder - yet nothing more satisfying in this world than parenthood.
Sacrifice. Similar to what Debra said. You are responsible for the stewardship of rearing an eternal soul to chose wisdom and truth on this earth. All of your selfishness and irresponsibility is exposed as you have to lay down your life for this person. Every day is a reminder of the awesome love God has for us (who think we are mature) when we are needy and whiny and throw our little tantrums.
i was surprised i could even be a remotely effective papa.. i hadn't had much real experience with childen, and i have been amazed at the difference it made when the experience was not objective.
all praise to God for that, no doubt about it.
cheers.
Hey Gentry,
I wasn't actually thinking of you when I made that statement. I understand what you're saying however about bible college students being better off going to a university for Grad school. That may in fact be true. I felt like there was some definite repeat, but I think what helped for me is that Western was coming from a completely different perspective (Reformed) so it all seemed fairly new to me and challenged me quite a bit.
In all seriousness...Tom dared me to post the "shocking" stuff ;)
I really began to love parenting when I really dug into getting to know them. They are not extensions or reflections of me they are their own persons. And I love to get to know these people each and every stage of the way. I love all the changes and every year seems to get better and better. Dare I say I love teenagers...honestly.
like anything good its super hard, and the good stuff is so so so worth it. there's nothing like being a daddy, when you become a jungle gym its the best thing.
also, the lived life of parents is one of the most meaningful things your kid can experience.
can't wait to meet little bagby!
i'm happy for you bro
Congratulations man! You failed to mention that news today on chat but no worries. Ok my answer: the most surprising thing is that the only thing that is stronger, faster and gets more distance that an adult is that of baby projectile poops. Beware, the stories are true--one moment you're changing a diaper and the next moment there's dookie stuck on the wall.
Most surprising thing about parenting. One, from a woman's perspective - is HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO PUSH A CHILD OUT!!! And Second, once they are here, how you can't poopy without someone yelling mom. You can't shower or bathe without a child wanting to get in with you. You can't get into your seat first, because you buckle your child in. All of me, me, me becomes YOU YOU YOU!!! It's all well worth it, but TIME is an amazing factor when children are involved!
Bethany
Congrats! It is really hard to describe the singlemost surprising thing. Each day there seems to be something surprising and exciting that wasn't there the day before. But there is something I keep coming back to day after day.It's amazing what I've learned about God as a Father and His Love for me as I experience fatherhood.
Congratulations Dustin! Bill and I are excited for you guys. I would say that the most surprising thing is how you cannot be prepared for the amount of love you will find inside of yourself. There's nothing in the world like those two little eyes looking at you and watching all the new things discovered by them every day! Yes you will lose a ton of sleep (and everybody will remind you of this), but you will kind of get used to it. Yes there are a lot of diapers (but also a really cute little tush). You should probably invest in t-shirts because the amount of spit up to the amount of t-shirts and the amount of time or ability to do laundry while holding a baby is disproportionate. I say just buy more shirts and enjoy holding that baby!
oh, and infant gas drops from any pharmacy area at any grocery store are life savers. i cannot emphasize this enough.
Dude. CONGRATS! I didn't know. I realize my wife just wrote something. But I'll add my two cents. Its not much different than what has already been said, but...
You are no longer first on the priority list. It doesn't matter what you want to do. It doesn't even matter what you HAVE to do. Nothing you think is important, regardless of what whether or not it is, matters.
In marriage, you can compromise on things..."You can do that right now, but you have to do this later" or "Why don't we do this together now and then you stay up late and finish that" or whatever. But with babies, especially newborns, it is "You take care of me now, and take care of me later and then stay up late and take care of me some more."
But it is all so totally worth it. Babies change alot...but it really is all good. I absolutely love being a father.
sidenote: whoever wrote 'that call from your girlfriend' is really funny.
lots of good answers so far. there were so many things i knew in theory that didn't even begin to approach the reality of it all. i second what debra and bethany said; "your" time really doesn't exist anymore. i was surprised by the immediate intimacy of my relationship to my child and, along with that, the shere and utter dependance she had on me as a parent. Of course babies are dependent on their parents, but when the reality hits you that this little person doesn't move, doesn't eat, doesn't live, and doesn't learn love without you, it's intense.
i second jim as well, it is very easy to lose sight of your relationship to your spouse. decide now that you're ok with someone else watching the kid for awhile so you can spend time with kelli, decide now that it's ok to ask for help, even for stupid little things like washing dishes or vacuuming or whatever because you really are too tired and you just need to be together. to build on that, i was surprised by the changes in our relationship; the changes weren't neccessarily bad, but they were changes. We are no longer a couple, we are a family system.
i was surprised by the endurance i had to get done what needed to be done. so many times you feel like you don't know what to do or that you can't do something, but instinct wins out and endurance doesn't fail you.
i was surprised by how much i didn't know. bear in mind, i have spend a long time studying this and people paid me (well, paid sunnyside) to tell them how to get through it, and when it was my turn i felt lost a lot of the time.
i was surprised by the depression that followed. it slammed jenny, and for a while i lost my wife, and then of course i was depressed too. this might not happen to you, but then again, it might. don't be afraid to get help, don't let kelli be afraid to get help; prozac is a beautiful thing.
i was surprised by the intensity of the emotions, the intensity of the bond, and i was a little surprised that it wasn't there right away. again, all things i knew in theory, but in reality it was just, well, more. there was definetly a bond between india and me when she was born (sidenote: within the first 24 hours get the down to a diaper and take of your shirt and hold him/her on your chest for an hour, just like mom does). the bond, the connection, the protectiveness, the love i have for her now outshines anything i could have imagined; it still surprises me how much i love that kid. this whole parenting thing is hard and that little girl knocked jenny and me on our ass, but there are absolutly no regrets.
i was and am surprised when other people don't feel the same way. it's not really a guy thing to talk about our mushy feelings toward our kids or discuss diaper changing stories or breast feeding techniques--and some guys really wouldn't want to anyway. so i find myself having more to say to or more interested in hearing from the moms, but i'm not really part of their club either.
i was surprised that my daughter made me such a labile person. in the span of a single hour, sometimes even in the same moment, i long for a break from her, even while my heart ches to be closer to her.
i was surprised by how much better i understand God as a father because now i am one. so many things have become so much more real...you're going to have so many sermon illustrations.
get help, get reading, get some good supplies (i can give you a list), and get some rest, and enjoy fatherhood.
sorry to be so longwinded...kinda passionate about it.
whoa dan, whoa.
Watching myself in a little person! Definitely won't have to worry about it until they are a little older than a year, but be ready. I can't tell you how many times I watch Jackson do something and get frustrated and then think, "Oh crap, that is me!"
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