God, Parenting, and Pain

One of the more profound realizations of being a father thus far is how much I hurt when I see Gram in pain. I mean, genuine pain. It's fairly easy to see when Gram is crying out in pain and when he's just being whiny. In fact, a fake cry is instantly recognizable by pitch, tone, and volume. And it has a distinct effect on me: I laugh. Every single time. His fake cry has a giggle inducing effect on me. I appreciate the acting effort, but when he's faking I don't tense up as in the real times.

This past week Gram was experiencing real pain. Unfortunately one of the difficult parts of infancy is not being able to determine what is provoking the painful screams. But when pain is real, it cannot be mistaken. I tense up, I instantly start flipping through the catalog in my brain trying desperately to figure out what could be wrong and how I can fix it as soon as possible. My heart breaks for Gram when he experiences pain. I'd love to be able to fix it, and if not, then at least help comfort him through it.

This has led me (as so many things in parenting inevitably does) into thinking of our relationship with God and pain. So often when we are experiencing real pain, we have a tendency to blame God for it, even if the pain was caused by the consequences of our own rebellious actions. God must be stunned at our assertion. As a loving Father who has expressed himself through the ultimate empathy with the human condition, including the most extreme suffering and pain by becoming one of us and dying on a cross, he must be dumbfounded; to not only be mistaken for not caring, but also for causing the pain that we experience.

Seeing Gram in pain has changed my understanding of God and suffering. God doesn't look at us suffer with indifference or neglect. But he also doesn't instantly fix everything instantly either. This leads me to two conclusions: God's heart must break tremendously when He sees his children suffer (Haiti) and there must be some meaning to be found in the process of experiencing pain. It must do something in us, to us, for us for God to allow it.